Geoff's introduction * Julie
Blackwell's memorial * Faye Taylor's
memorial
Tammy William's memorial * Rhonda
Gibson's memorial * Denise
Chang's memorial
Memorial Photos * Memorial
announcement
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Erakor Island, as seen from the verandah
of our house in Port Vila. |
Thank you all for coming today; for sharing in our memorial, our memory, our celebration of Kessia and her life and her death.
It's only been three very short weeks since Kessia died but what a life time ago it seems. Denise and I wondered about our coming back to Vanuatu now. Would we cope? Would it all be too much for us? For others? Should we leave it 'til next year?
It's turned out to be very good to be back. Of course, it's 'bitter sweet' --- there is a deep sadness, but we realised while we've been driving around how much Vila feels like home! For Josh of course, it is very much home, having arrived here at 18 months (when asked recently where he lived, Josh, unhesitating, replied "Port Vila!"). Kessia grew up here and learnt so much, so many things here. I think it would be true to say Denise and I also did a lot of growing up here. So then, so much of Vila is home.
So coming back has felt like coming home (and thanks to Zoe and Tom's generosity, we are even driving our old car!).
And one of the reasons we wanted to come home was to acknowledge and thank you all for your outpouring of sorrow for us and for Kessia. We heard from so many of you in different ways --- cards, letters, presents, telephone calls, visits even, and of course, your contributions to Kessia's guest book on her web site.
Rowan Downing called shortly after Kessia died to tell us the streets of Port Vila were sad, not just the day Kessia died, but in the days surrounding her final illness and death. Even the Melbourne Cup celebrations had an air of abiding sadness. We heard from others too, how all of Vila was devastated by Kessia's illness and loss. That's been one of the main reasons we've wanted to come back for this.
So thank you all so very much. It gave and does give us comfort to know our sorrow, our missing Kessia, is shared by so many. So thank you for joining with us today to remember Kessia and to share the deep sadness of her death, but also the vibrancy of her life.
[Julie and David Blackwell are amongst our closest friends. They have an adorable three year old, Virginia, and a beautiful baby named Cameron. Julie was also a teacher at PVIS.]
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Julie, Virginia and David
(pre-Cameron), |
The Blackwells, McConnell's
and Gibsons, at Tamanu Beach Club for a special farewell lunch, 19 May 2002 |
When Geoff and Denise first asked me to speak today I felt anxious as, like
many of us, I find it difficult to talk about someone who's died, particularly
when that person belongs to a family so close to my heart.
Yet as I took the time to reflect on Kessia's life I felt honoured to be able to share my memories of this beautiful child.
Virginia and I were able to visit Kessia in Sydney at the children's hospital. It had been a particularly gruelling day for her and her family, yet I remember the sparkle in her eyes as I gave her the folder of well wishes from her class in Vila along with 'Mangoes' their mascot. We also shared a conspiratory smile as we shared details of Cameron's upcoming birth.
David and I were also able to attend Kessia's funeral in Canberra. It was a ceremony filled with compassion and love. What moved us most though were the photos that ran throughout the service. So many of those pictures were taken in Vila of the vibrant, fun filled child that we remembered.
I remember Kessia out at Blue Water --- swimming, kayaking and riding her bike.
... As a small girl eating her Easter eggs for breakfast.
I remember Kessia escaping from her bedroom when we were over at their house for dinner parties so that she could enjoy some of the delicious food we were having.
... Kessia dressing up in all of her fairy finery with the other girls or perhaps wearing something hip and funky just to be different.
Kessia loved school and this was evident from the very beginning. She'd often run up and share with me what they'd be doing in class that day. She also liked to share with me her latest drawing tips --- something I can always do with.
With the passing of Kessia I am deeply saddened by her loss, both for her and her family, but I could have wished for nothing more for her in the time that she had --- a childhood filled with adventures, surrounded by family and friends who adored her and who allowed her to become a confident, loving individual.
People live on in our memories and Kessia will always have a special place in our hearts, as I'm sure she will in yours.
[Faye Taylor is the principal at Port Vila International School.]
I was asked to speak today about Kessia. I have instead written a letter to Kessia.
Kessia lives on in all of us in some way. She is here with us today, in our hearts and our memories.
I would like to read you my letter to Kessia.
Dear Kessia,
I remember the day you first came to PVIS as a new Year One student. You looked lovely in your new uniform and you were happy and smiling. In Year One you did lots of fun things. My office was next to your classroom and I could hear you all learning, singing, playing, chatting and laughing. It was a lovely small class and what a happy time you had with Mrs Lawson and Mrs Bailey.
Also that year we had the Snow White in New York show. I especially remember you in that L-O-V-E number dressed in the red skirt and white T-shirt with a red heart on it. You looked great with your beautiful shiny black hair and lovely smile.
I also remember this year when you were in Year Two with your very special teacher, Mrs Williams. What a lovely time you had.
You always enjoyed our Little Cakes days, the Sausage Sizzles and the other fun things we did at PVIS. Your very special Mum and Dad were always there with you. They'd drop you off in the morning, pick you up in the afternoon, they were always there at the ready with the camera at all school events. Joshua tagges along too full of smiles and hellos.
What a wonderful special family and what a great time you had.
Thank you Kessia for bringing so much love in to so many people's lives.
Farewell Kessia --- may the next part of your journey be as happy and loving as this one.
Lots of love
from
Mrs T
... and to all of us here I'd like to finish by sharing a quote from Illusions
by Richard Bach.
"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before meeting again. And meeting again after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friends."
[Tammy Williams was Kessia's beloved Year 2 teacher.]
I'd like to start by sharing an acrostic poem the class wrote about how they remember Kessia.
K is kind to everyone
E is everyone loved her
S is special friend
S is sensible and caring
I is imaginative and intelligent
A is always had a beautiful smile
Kessia with Mrs Williams,
21 May 2002
Kessia was a beautiful child. She was not only beautiful on the outside but she was also beautiful on the inside.
Kessia was a friend to everyone in the class. Whenever someone was hurt or left out, it was often Kessia that would take care of them and make them feel better.
Kessia was a teacher's ideal student. She was well mannered, helpful, kind and considerate. She was a very capable student and she always tried her best.
Kessia was one of those students that could have been anything or achieved anything she wanted to. I had often said to myself that I would love to meet up with Kessia again when she was older as I wanted to see what it was that she had chosen to be or do. What ever it was, I knew it would be something great.
Kessia had a specialness around her that affected everyone. She was full of love and was loved back dearly by all. When she left the class to move to Australia, she left a huge hole in the class and she was missed terribly. The children talked about her often wondering how she was doing.
I feel both privileged and honoured to have had the chance to teach Kessia and be touched by her magic and her love.
Kessia will always hold a very special place in my heart forever.
[Rhonda, Glenn and Kate Gibson are our other best friends from Port Vila. They visited us for three days in October when Kessia's health was starting to decline.]
Kessia with the Gibson family at
Black Mountain Tower,
16 October 2002
It's an honour to pay tribute to my little friend Kessia today... although I wish with all my heart that I didn't have to... because I wish with all my heart she was still here with us... in person.
I had the privilege, from time to time, of being able to snuggle up with Kessia and Josh and read them bedtime stories. Thier wonderful childlike questions and comments let me glimpse their world... and delight in their stalling tactics at bedtime. They could turn a 10 page tale into an epic before "mean ol' Dad" would turf me out and tuck them in.
On one such occassion we had finished reading and Kessia lay back in her bed. I drew the mosquito net around her and was so taken by the moment I exclaimed, "Kessia... you're a Princess!" With a twinkle in her eye and a gentle smile, she replied, "Rhonda --- I'm not a Princess!"
For me, that's Kessia. Down-to-earth and quietly confident in who she was --- she didn't need labels like "Princess" to know she was special. Likewise, no other person needed a 'label' or 'title' for Kessia to treat them in a special way. She reached out and engaged others of all ages.
Never was this more evident to me than when we visited Kessia during her illness. Never before was her beautiful personality more on show. Her heart seemed to blossom and grow; despite her most certain hardships and frustrations. She was kind and generous and took great pleasure in the smallest of things.
Kessia had planned lots of fun things for us to do and took her joy and delight in seeing us all enjoy her plans. Her eyes lit up and her voice was excited as we travelled from one adventure to the next. It is hard for words to capture just how lovely and enchanting Kessia was when we saw her in Canberra... I have so many precious memories stored, but I cannot share them now.
Kessia showed such great strength and courage... and she was such fun and seemed to enjoy everyone and everything so much... she sparkled!
No Kessia... you weren't a Princess... your life took you above a mere earthly label.
You were, and will always be, our Angel.
I hadn't really thought about what I wanted to say at Kessia's memorial until this week, and what I want to talk about is this: What a wonderful life we shared here as a family, and how Kessia thrived during her time in Port Vila.
It struck me as I wrote this on Tuesday that in Canberra, we visit Kessia's grave to feel close to her... but here, everywhere I turn, everywhere, there are happy memories of Kessia.
I don't have to go to a special place in Vila to feel Kessia is close. She's in the wind as we sail on the lagoon; she's splashing and diving as we swim out at Hideaway; she's exploring rockeries over there at Erakor Jetty; she's swimming and laughing at Le Meridien pool. Kessia is everywhere, and I know for so many of you here today, she holds a special place in your hearts as well.
For Geoff and I, it was important for us to return to Vila and hold this small memorial for Kessia. We wanted her to be farewelled by people who knew her and had been a part of her life for three years. We felt it was important to give our friends here a chance to say goodbye.
What I hadn't really thought about was how important our time here would be for us. It's been hard seeing people and filling in the gaps about Kessia's illness, and with every happy memory there are a thousand heartbreaks. But in amongst it all, there have been happy tears and smiles, unexpected moments of lightness, opportunities for Geoff and I to talk together and focus on Joshua, and wonderful, wonderful memories of Kessia enjoying life and being whole and healthy.
Kessia loved Port Vila. On our return to Canberra, she cried many nights missing Mrs Williams, her friends and her old school. As Faye mentioned, she particularly missed little cakes days, sausage sizzle days, and Friday assemblies. She missed so much about Vila... she missed Sunday brunches at Le Meridien and breakfasts at the Rossi. She missed Vila.
We were back in Canberra fo only one month before Kessia first became sick. It took another month before finding out about her brain tumour. From then, we only had six very short weeks with our precious girl.
Kessia's life was too short, but what a beautiful life she had. In her seven years, she blossomed into a sweet, caring, fun, confident little person. We will always be so proud of her and all that she achieved.
Kessia was always thoughtful and considerate to others. Even when she was very sick, she didn't want to hurt people's feelings (except for a nurse we had one night who Kessia thought was very stupid!). She was kindhearted and a good friend. She had a great sense of humour and was always making up silly knock knock jokes that drove Geoff and I crazy!
Most of all, Kessia was just Kessia. She was lovely and unique. We were so lucky to have had her.
Kessia was the most wonderful, loving, caring sister to Joshua. The two of them were such good friends. Even when she was much younger, I remember taking Joshua to visit her at Janet Bunyan's kindergarten, and Kessia would have her arms wrapt protectively around him whenever the other kids got too close.
Josh looked to Kessia for so many things, and she taught him so much as well --- words to all the little French songs she knew, clapping games, dance actions, ryhmes, poems, silly voices and bad jokes.
And there were so many things Kessia learnt here in Vila which she may not have otherwise have learnt.
She learnt many life skills here in Vila because of the wonderful opportunities we had, and the environment we were in. We will always be grateful for our time here as a family.
It's only been three weeks since Kessia died, and to us, it still feels like she's on holiday someplace and will be home soon. It's not that we're in denial. Our sorrow is just in missing her, and not having the chance to watch her grow.
We haven't felt angry, we haven't asked why - perhaps we will in the future. For now, it's a deep, deep sadness and missing her beautiful face... her smile... her company.
Kessia was always such good company. I feel sorry for myself as her mother that I won't have the chance to be her friend and help guide her through life. I had been so looking forward to that.
But as her mother, I can tell you unbiasedly what a true joy it was to have had Kessia as my daughter. She will always by my pride, my treasure. Nothing can ever take that away from me.
I will always be the mother of two beautiful children. I will always love Kessia and keep her in my heart. I will always be grateful for having the honour of being Kessia's mum, and for the richness she brought to my life.
Life won't ever be the same without Kessia, but having had her, it will always be better and brighter because Kessia shone in my life and her spark will never fade.
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| Geoff gives his introduction in the nakamal (a large open air thatched shelter) which was decorated beautifully with flowers. A group of Kessia's friends sit near the front. |
A view of the beach area with the nakamal
in the background, following the memorial speeches, as people make their
way down to the water to release their boats. |
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| Denise and Geoff set afloat Kessia's outrigger canoe, which was so wonderfully and lovingly decorated by our housekeeper, Jenny Kalorib who is standing to the right in the purple and white dress. |
Kessia's outrigger floats away on the tide. |
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| Joshua's outrigger which
he wanted decorated with flowers after seeing Kessia's. |
Rhonda's outrigger surrounded by beautifully
coloured flowers and little coconut boats. |
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Children wade in to the water
as we all watch the boats make their way out towards the mouth of the
lagoon. |
Eventually the boats drift out of sight
and a small group remains. |
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Denise and Geoff as evening approaches and most people have left
the island. |
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Vanuatu Trading Post, 26 November 2002
